That's the best way to describe how I felt when my sister told me she was pregnant. It was the winter of my junior year when the news was made public, the baby's due date was July. I was beyond angry. The rest of that night I just sat alone in my room and cried. This baby and my older sister were going to crash my life, crash MY senior year. Call me selfish, but I feel like your senior year in high school is a pretty big deal. It's the year you hold onto when being an underclassman is unbearable. I knew my parents were going to be absorbed with this child and I wasn't going to be the center of attention at all. I didn't do anything to take the spotlight off of Amanda when she was a senior, but there I was, slowly but surely being shoved off the stage.
As July approached, I still was uneasy about the whole baby idea. I went along to the ultrasounds, I was there when we found out it was going to be a little girl, I helped talk over what names Amanda liked (she didn't like Courtney Jr., whatever), I planned the baby shower, but I still didn't really like the thought of a little life coming and crashing MY party. I was the baby of the family for almost 18 years! Ya can't just expect me to give that up at the drop of a hat.
July 26, 2012. Amanda and my mom went to the hospital around 6 in the morning, because the doctor wanted to induce labor. My dad and I showed up a little later (because, let's be real, I wasn't going anywhere THAT early). We spent the entire day wandering around the hospital, doing crossword puzzles in Amanda's hospital room, eating hot dogs in the cafeteria, waiting for this baby to show up. I knew she was coming soon, and I was starting to get excited, but I was still resentful. (She wasn't even born yet and I was bitter about it, pathetic, I KNOW) That day a bunch of my friends were at an Indians game and I was stuck with my family in a weird smelling hospital waiting around for some little crying peanut. Happy isn't exactly the word I would use to describe that situation. My heart was really hardened against sharing anything with this unexpected addition to our family..
Then it happened.
Layla Marie Hurlburt was brought into the world. I was stunned. I had never been that close to new life before. Honestly, newborn babies are kind of weird looking, but still perfect. Wow. Not long after she was born, our extended family left, my parents went to get something to eat from the cafeteria, and my sister was knocked out from the drugs (haha, sorry). It was just Layla and I. She was asleep and I was holding her as close as possible. Tiny and precious, with that new baby smell. I love singing and something in me told me this was the perfect time for me to do that. I didn't know any lullabies off the top of my head, so I sang what was on my heart. "Bless the Lord, oh my soul, oh my soul. Worship his holy name. Sing like never before, oh my soul. I'll worship Your holy name." (I had just gotten home from a Steubenville Conference, so I mean, what were you expecting?) In that moment, my heart was full.
From there, it wasn't always easy. Poopy diapers, getting puked on, crying that didn't stop (sometimes coming from Layla, sometimes coming from me).. Even now, the little stinker continues to push my buttons and teach me humility and patience.. But it has been more than amazing and more than worth it. Some days I'm still not really a fan of sharing my spotlight with her, buuut thankfully my family has enough love to give for the both of us. I have been abundantly blessed to watch her grow, learn, crawl, walk, understand, and so much more. Layla coming into the world not only gave me a new name (Auntie), but also gave me a new appreciation for life. Who knew babies were so magical?! I have never loved anyone so much and I have never been loved so deeply (seriously, no one has ever been more excited to see me than this girl). Who would have thought that a baby girl would embody the unconditional love of Christ in my life?! The most beautiful thing about my niece is the fact that she wasn't planned. Like so many things in life, the most amazing things often come out of the blue. (Kind of like Holy Spirit + Mary = JESUS CHRIST, THE ULTIMATE LOVE OF ALL TIME, I mean that was pretty out of the blue, if you ask me) It never really mattered that Layla came to us in an "unconventional" way, because the simple fact that she exists was more than enough reason for us to love her. My junior year in high school, I didn't WANT to be an aunt. And I'm sure my sister didn't WANT to be a mom at 20. But it happened, and I am so eternally grateful that it did. Lucky for all of us, God has a funny way of taking what we didn't really ask for, and making it our entire world.
Happy 2nd Birthday, Layla Marie!
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