My Life Sucks

Okay, I'll admit that the title of this blog is really dramatic. But I had to do something drastic to get you here... So, please read on.

I think that it's safe to assume that life is difficult for everyone at one point or another. We all struggle with something: relationships, health, grades, finances, ect. Some have it worse than others, and some make it seem like they have no problems at all. But let's be realistic here, everyone has their issues.

Lately, the hardships in my life have been made more apparent to me. If I'm being honest, I've been very unhappy. For no reason whatsoever, the burden that I've been carrying has been especially heavy. I can't really place my finger on it, but life has just been really difficult. Waking up is a challenge, I'm struggling through classes, going to work is painful, I'm super self-conscious about my acne, doing my normal diabetes thing is virtually impossible.. There's really not much wrong at all, no tragedy or huge obstacle, but things aren't right either. Maybe you have no idea what I mean, but maybe you know exactly what I mean. In the darkest and most painful moments, a lot of what goes on in life appears to be too much to swallow and far too complicated to even bother trying to figure out.

We've all thought it before..

Why me?
What's the point?
Why does this hurt so much?
What did I do to deserve this?


Suffering is inevitable in this life, unfortunately. Suffering, whether it be mental or physical, hurts. And it can seem pointless.

But suffering also has the potential to be beautiful and fruitful.

Let me give you an example:
Believe it or not, at one time you were a tiny little baby inside of your mom. Kind of gross and weird to think about, but just bear with me. I don't know if you realize this, but in order to get you out and into this world, your mom had to suffer. She carried you around for 9 months, went through hours of labor, and I think you know what happens after that. Her suffering gave you life. You didn't even do anything to deserve that gift, but she did it anyway, because she loves you. And I think that if you were to call her up right now and ask her if that suffering was worth it, she would say yes.

Now is where you ask me, "Courtney, how in the world does this relate to the suffering I go through on a daily basis"...

Your suffering has the potential to bring about great things. Maybe you're not about to give birth to a tiny human any time soon, but whatever pain you've been feeling has hidden glory. Your suffering is teaching you how to be grateful, how to grow, how to love.

If anyone knows how to love, it's Jesus. Take the suffering your mom endured for love of you and multiply it by infinity.. that's how much He loves you. The Gospel of John explicitly reminds us that God became man literally just because He loves you (John 3:16). If the God of the Universe could see my awful sin and still choose to suffer and die on a cross because He loves me, then I think it's safe to say He can teach us all a few things about what it means to love. Often my prayer is "Lord, help me love like you do", thinking that He will just touch my heart with some magic fairy dust and make me a nicer person. But in God's infinite wisdom, instead of doing that, He allows me to suffer... Because that's how He loved us.

The betrayal of Judas? Jesus was loving you.

When His friends abandoned Him? Jesus was loving you.

Every bleeding wound on His sacred body? Jesus was loving you.

Getting spit on and stripped naked in front of a crowd? Jesus was loving you.

The nails in His hands and His feet? Jesus was loving you.

Through every single moment of Christ's unspeakable passion and death, you were on His infinite mind. He loved you through every moment of suffering, and because of that, you have been given a chance to live this beautiful life and a chance to live an eternal life with Him in Heaven.

Does this mean that my suffering can be offered up for something greater? Absolutely. The fact that Jesus willingly embraced suffering for love of YOU means that I have the opportunity to do the same thing. I'll never be able to love anyone as much as Christ does (because He's perfect and I am NOT), but that doesn't mean I won't stop trying. I want you to know that if you're reading this, I'm offering up the small sufferings of my day for you. It's not much, but Jesus makes miracles out of nothing every single day.

I get to suffer through having diabetes because one day, my experiences will help me give guidance to someone else. I get to struggle with depression because it helps me relate to people I will minister to. I get to wake up every day with acne all over my face because it reminds me to look past the surface. I get to do all these things I would have never chose for myself because they help me grow in holiness. This brokenness engulfs me in what it means to love like Christ, to love through the hurt.

Today, I invite you to accept suffering with joy. Know that you are carrying this cross for the good of you and for the good of those around you. Your pain has purpose and your hurt will be healed, because the Lord has great plans for you. You just need to embrace it.

Cookies & Christ

Summer is finally upon us, and that means summer jobs have started for most students who are home for break. Whether that means busing tables, babysitting, or working at a summer camp, something has to pay the bills that college and the “adult world” leave behind. Lucky for me, I happen to have a secure job at home that I LOVE. For about 30 hours a week, I get to bake cookies with my dad and older sister. That’s right, I get paid to make deliciously warm gooey chocolate chip cookies (and a variety of other flavors) with my family. How great is that?!  My dad has been the manager at our Mrs. Fields Cookies for almost 17 years now, and before that, he & my mom worked together at another cookie store, so I guess you could say that the whole baking cookies business runs in my blood.. Haha, sugar in my blood, get it? I love diabetes jokes. (Disclaimer: I was diagnosed with diabetes PRIOR to my employment at Mrs. Fields and it isn’t related AT ALL) Aside from the sweet (pun intended) perks of free merchandise and having my dad as my boss and my sister around to talk to, it can be a terribly boring job. We’re located in a pretty small mall. Sometimes stores only stay around for a few months or so because rent is so high and numbers are so low. Occasionally we’re busy on rainy weekends with tourists and locals, but other than that, business can be painfully slow. Sometimes I get really frustrated because I feel like my talents could be used for something greater and a lot more important, not just selling cookies to people who complain about our prices (but still continue to buy things from us). You’d be surprised how angry people get at me because I ran out of their favorite cookie 15 minutes before close OR because I dumped old coffee and haven’t had a chance to make more OR because we sell Coke products and not Pepsi.. The list goes on and on and on. But with all of that being said, working in retail in a cruddy little mall has given me a very special gift.

One of the interesting things about working in the mall is that I get to see literally every single kind of person that you can imagine. Old ladies who think they’re still 16? Check. People who spend thousands of dollars on one outfit? Check. High school kids that think they’re thugs? Check. People with teeth, people without teeth, short hair, weird hair, people that smell nice, people that smell not-so-nice, polite people, rude people, single moms, single dads, annoying kids, funny old guys, people high on drugs, huge families, foreign people, people that openly hate foreign people, black, white, yellow, gay, straight, mentally challenged, physically disabled, seemingly normal… You name it, I’ve probably sold them a cookie or two. 

Over my years at Mrs. Fields, I not only have learned how to make small talk with all of these different kinds of people, but I have learned the value of each individual. It doesn’t matter how much money they have or what kind of clothes they're wearing or what kind of education they have or what kind of sin they may be committing… They all have the same value as people, which is infinite. Jesus Christ loves them, and died for them. That’s right, that means you, too. Jesus loves you and died for you. He saw how messed up your life would be and how many times you would choose sin over His love and chose to die for you anyway. He saw the alcoholic who left his family and chose to die for him. He saw the "slut" who is constantly rude to everyone and chose to die for her. I think that sometimes, that can be a hard truth to swallow for many Christians and non-Christians alike (myself included). How can a perfect God look upon something so imperfect as a human and think “You are mine and I love you”? For a long time of my life, I don’t think that I really believed that the Lord loved each and every one of us infinitely. Maybe He loved me that much, but the guy who just sold some drugs or robbed a bank..? No way could God love someone like that. “At least I’m trying to be holy, so that’s why God loves me. I’ve earned His love. I worked hard for Him to love me. People who commit big sins like that can’t possibly be loved by God..” WRONG WRONG WRONG, WOW I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO WRONG. God doesn’t love me because I did something great to earn it, God loves me because He is Love. Same goes for you! You don’t need to prove yourself or become His favorite to get Him to love you. HE ALREADY DOES. If we’re being realistic here, none of us will ever be “worthy” of the amazing love that God pours out on us, but He doesn’t care about that. Just because you exist, He loves you. Literally the fact that you're alive to read this right now is proof that God loves you. You wouldn't exist if He didn't love you!  Now you may be wondering something along the lines of… How could anyone love a broken, poor, dirty, sinful, (sometimes) evil person? How could anyone continue to love someone even after they have chosen to walk away? Honestly, I don’t know, I’m not God. He’s infinite and can love infinitely, and my little finite mind will never be able to comprehend all of that.

But this is what I do know..

The customer who yelled at me over a frosted sugar cookie? Jesus loves them.

The guy you saw last week begging for change on the side of the road? Jesus loves him.

The woman who was just arrested for armed robbery? Jesus loves her.

The person that no one talks to because they’re weird and smell bad? Jesus loves them.

Sitting there wondering what the point of your existence is? Jesus loves you.

Weighed down by sin? Jesus loves you.

“But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” –Romans 5:8

Boom, baby. Your worth is infinite and you are loved by an infinite God.

Who knew working at a cookie store could be so educational?

An Open Letter to my Friends

My dear lovely friends,

The past few years haven't been the best for me. A lot of things went wrong and not many things went right, or at least that's what I had thought. I've been so focused on everything and everyone that has hurt me, I haven't paid much attention to the people who take the best care of me. I've been so angry and sad over my "terrible life" that I haven't taken the time to actually look at the people who love me and say thank you. So, this is for you, because it's about dang time that I thank you for being so amazing. 

After Mass the other day, I was reflecting on the past year and I found myself amazed that an entire 365 days have flown by. Exactly one year ago, I was broken because of an awful situation and I was convinced that I was dying because my health was absolutely out of control. I felt alone and ugly and broken and angry and pretty much every other negative adjective you can imagine. I was so sure that I was never getting out of that dark, ugly place and at that point, I didn't even care anymore. Lucky for me, God had different plans. Although my trials were difficult and down right excruciating, something beautiful was born.. irreplaceable friendships. Because of the dark place I was in a year ago, I was blind to the amazing people that the Lord had put on my path. Well, I'm not blind anymore, and I am overcome with a full and grateful heart now that I can see what has been with me this entire time... you. 

This year at Franciscan has been so incredibly fruitful for me, it makes me emotional to even think about it. Not only have I gotten to learn so much about the Lord and His Heart, but He went even further than that and gave me countless tangible signs of His Love for me.. including all of my amazing friends, in Steubenville and beyond. From my very first SENT team, to my wonderfully sassy roommate fall semester, to my beautiful household sisters, to the people I don't see very often (but when I do see them it's as if nothing has changed), to the crazy holy priests and youth minister in my life, to my warm fuzzy squirrels, to my homies having amazing adventures in Austria, to my hilarious and gorgeous loftmates, to my chips in a guac bowl, to the kiddos at Life Teen, to my other half (who lives 4 hours away, but ya know, we rock long distance)... To the Maker of the Universe who was so so gracious to bless me with all of you amazing people. I know that no one is perfect, but you all have loved and cared for me better than I ever could have asked for. You have been the hand to hold, the shoulder to cry on, and the ears that listen. You have been the laughter that makes my stomach hurt, the cuddle buddy when a good movie night is in order, the encouragement I need to be the woman God is calling me to be. You've given sound advice (even when I don't ask for it), you've prayed with me and for me, you've left me cheesy notes that I proudly decorate my desk with, you've been your realest selves and THAT is what I love the most. For the first time in my life, I feel secure in my friendships because you all have given me the gift of authenticity and because of that, I don't question your love for me. There is no hiding, no deceiving, no gossiping when no one is around... There is just authentic friendship, and wow, that is such a priceless gift. One of the most difficult things for me to do is love myself. I always see myself as less than what everyone else seems to be, as ugly, annoying, dumb... But not anymore. By the grace of God and by the gift of your authentic friendship, I'm finally learning to love myself. Sometimes it's hard for me to let people really love me, but you crazy kids won't take no for an answer. Despite my kicking and screaming, you manage to love me anyway and speak so much truth into my heart. When you say I'm beautiful, genuine, funny, smart, joyful.. I actually believe it. I hear not just my friend talking to me, but I hear the Lord speaking through you. Maybe that's cliche, but I am convinced that the friendships I share with each of you are some of the most amazing gifts that the Lord has given to me. 

Thank you for being yourself. Thank you for loving me so well. Thank you for walking me through this dark valley. Thank you for helping me to finally be myself. Thank you for allowing the Lord to work through you to drastically change my life. 

Needless to say, I love you a lot.

With all my love,

Courtney 

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; 

he that has found one has found a treasure.

There is nothing so precious as a faithful friend

and no scales can measure his excellence.

A faithful friend is an elixir of life;

and those who fear the Lord will find Him.

- Sirach 6:14-16

Every Cloud has a Silver Lining

"Depressing" is a word that is constantly overused in today's world.

Chipotle ran out of guac? Depressing.
Hot famous guy got married this weekend? Depressing.
Sappy love movie that makes you wonder why you're still single? Depressing.

I admit that I was one of those girls that abused that word for a very long time. Whenever things didn't go my way or the way I thought they should go, the situation made me "depressed". Looking back, I realize that those things do make me slightly disappointed, but not depressed. The actual definition of the word depression is "severe despondency and dejection, typically felt over a period of time and accompanied by feelings of hopelessness or inadequacy". I mean, the fact that Nick Jonas isn't going to ask for my hand in marriage is a little upsetting, buuut it doesn't cause me to feel miserably dejected or some deep dark hopelessness. I didn't really care about what it meant to genuinely be depressed until it happened to me.

The people who know me well know that I have been struggling with depression for about a year now. (For those of you who don't know me well, SURPRISE, I HAVE DEPRESSION, not to be confused with my diabetes) Don't be offended if I didn't come right out and tell you about it, it's not really something that you can bring up in a normal conversation.. Anyway, I'm writing this blog to share a little bit of my journey and some of my thoughts about what it's really like to have clinical depression.

Story Time (the abridged version)

I had always considered myself a happy and outgoing person. Super involved, good student, solid family life, rockin' youth group.. I was living the (practically) perfect life. All through out junior high and high school, I was very much confident in who I was as a person. I liked the people I was around, and people liked me (I hope). Maybe I'm romanticizing the past too much, but I really did love almost every moment of my stellar existence. That was, until things started to rock the boat. I've mentioned it before, and I'll probably say it a million more times in my life, but I absolutely despise change. Things hit me hard and hit me fast in the span of my senior year. I had never had to undergo so many trials in such a short time frame.. I was comfortable in my little bubble, why on EARTH did any of it need to change? I still don't fully understand why my life unraveled the way it did, but I'll just continue for the sake of time...

All of a sudden I was a freshman in college. On my own, in the big bad world of Steubenville (haha). Suddenly, it dawned on me that no one knew who I was. After working so hard to be a senior leader in high school, I was just a face in the crowd. This security blanket of being so well-known in my community at home (I'm not famous or anything, we're a small bunch of people) was snatched out of my hands. I had no idea how to cope. For some reason I felt this overwhelming sense of loss in the pit of my stomach, I had lost my identity and there was no way I was getting it back.

If I could pin-point the moment when my depression made itself known, this was it. Of course, there is a lot more to it, but this whole identity crisis was definitely the straw that broke the camel's back. I knew something was wrong with me, I just didn't want to admit what it was. I told myself that everyone gets sad sometimes and that I would bounce back in no time. Except, I wasn't just sad and I wasn't bouncing back. After watching several of my close family members battle with clinical depression and bipolar disorder, the last thing I was about to do was call up my mom and tell her I had lost my marbles. So, what would any independent college student do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months.. To put it lightly, I hated everything. Waking up was a pointless chore. Going to class was a waste of time. Hanging out with friends exhausted me. Praying and going to Mass was just an obligation I had to fulfill. If people invited me anywhere, I shot them down and locked myself in my room to watch Netflix alone. Nothing made me happy, even though my friends were trying their hardest. I was convinced that things would be infinitely better if I could just die. The emotional pain I was going through was worse than any physical pain I have ever felt. My life had turned into a vicious cycle of making myself do things I couldn't stand.

Finally during one of my visits home, my parents sat me down and voiced their concern. They knew I wasn't well, it was obvious. As much as I didn't want to do it, I broke down and talked to my doctor about how I had been feeling. Her diagnosis? Clinical depression. Her suggestion? Antidepressants. "Woah there, doc. I don't need to take some happy pill, I am just sad. I'm not depressed, I'm just... unmotivated." I met her medical advice with excuses, and denied the help that was being offered to me. I promised that I would start exercising and doing things that help motivate the mind and body.

Another month or so passed, and I (shockingly) didn't hold up with my solemn vow to "take better care of myself". I could barely get out of bed, I sure as heck wasn't going to do 30 minutes of cardio to help lift my spirits. My mom, bless her heart, wasn't going to put up with my empty promises. She could see the depression destroying me, and she was 3 hours away! Soon enough, I was home again and at another appointment with my doctor. THIS time, my mom was with me.. and I was put on an antidepressant. Nothing drastic, just something to help me get through the day. So I ventured back down to school, happy pills in hand. Things improved slightly from there, but day-to-day life was still really difficult for me. By the grace of God, I finished out the school year. I give God total credit here because I honestly have no idea how I made it through an entire year in the state that I was in. Finally I was home and I actually had the time to get my priorities straight and take better care of myself. I started counseling and exercising more than once a year (I really just hate being sweaty, okay?). I can say that, without a doubt, things have certainly gotten better for me. I'm not the happy-go-lucky person I used to be, and I probably will never be that girl again, but I am taking steps to finding joy in my life again. I'm learning how to differentiate between good and bad thinking habits, how to cope with things I can't control, and how to really love myself (flaws and all). Depression isn't something that has a definitive cure, but it is something, with the right support, tools, and medication, that can be controlled.

What does this have to do with you? 

Now you know a little bit of my story. I hope that it shed some light on what depression is like for someone who seems to be relatively normal. For those of you who don't struggle with depression, it's not something that you will ever really understand, and that's okay. If you have someone in your life who is struggling with depression, the best thing you can do is be supportive and loving. For me, sometimes I just need a hug or a reminder of how loved I am. The WORST thing you can do is place blame on someone with depression. "Maybe if you would cheer up for once.." NO. WOW. NO. DO NOT SAY THINGS LIKE THAT. If I could just "cheer up", trust me, I would. But what depression does is it takes away that bright outlook on life and twists your mind in a way that forces you to focus on everything that could go horribly wrong. Just like you wouldn't blame someone who was suffering from cancer, don't blame someone who is suffering from depression. Believe me when I say it's hard enough without someone making you feel guilty for "being so sad". It's not a lifestyle choice and it's not something I brought upon myself, it's an actual medical condition. Please don't treat it like it isn't real.

For those of you who are battling with depression or think that maybe you are, I want to encourage you to seek the help you need and DESERVE. I say that you deserve help because there is no reason anyone should be expected to handle this on their own. Talk to someone you trust, research counseling centers near you, make an appointment with your family doctor. This is a real thing and I promise there are well qualified people who are more than willing to help you. Don't wait around for it to get worse or until your mother forces you to see a doctor (thanks, mom). It's nothing to be ashamed of, because like I said, it's real and it is something that needs to be addressed before it takes over your life.

I don't know you. And I don't know what kind of life you're living. And I certainly don't know what kind of traumatic (or not so traumatic) life experiences you've had. But I do know this, you deserve to be happy. Not only that, but God wants you to be happy. Psalm 37:4 says, "Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" and Psalm 138:8 says, "The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; Your steadfast love, o Lord, endures forever". His promise of love and fulfillment is something I cling to in my darkest days. Now, you may argue that if God wants us to be happy then why are there things like disease and death? And to be completely honest, I don't know. I'm pretty sure that NO ONE knows, but my best explanation for suffering is this; there is no resurrection without the Crucifixion. Sometimes we pray for healing, but God wants to give us a resurrection, and in order for that to happen, we have to die. (I'm not talking actual death here, I'm talking about emotional suffering or going through painful loss.) If we are to be happy and truly fulfilled with God, like He promises us, we have to be like Christ... and die. The most beautiful thing about Christ's death is that it didn't just end there. He defeated death and walked out of that tomb! Christ did this so that we can look to Him in our suffering and know that it doesn't end here. We are an Easter people! We do not just die, we have hope for eternal life! The tattoo I have on my left wrist in memory of my grandma is my reminder of this enduring hope... "We were therefore baptized into Christ's death, so just as Christ was risen by the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life." -Romans 6:4

I'm praying for you! Be His!

(Click here to watch an excellent video about the Catholic view on depression)

What a Two Year Old Taught Me

Furious. Absolutely furious.

That's the best way to describe how I felt when my sister told me she was pregnant. It was the winter of my junior year when the news was made public, the baby's due date was July. I was beyond angry. The rest of that night I just sat alone in my room and cried. This baby and my older sister were going to crash my life, crash MY senior year. Call me selfish, but I feel like your senior year in high school is a pretty big deal. It's the year you hold onto when being an underclassman is unbearable. I knew my parents were going to be absorbed with this child and I wasn't going to be the center of attention at all. I didn't do anything to take the spotlight off of Amanda when she was a senior, but there I was, slowly but surely being shoved off the stage.

As July approached, I still was uneasy about the whole baby idea. I went along to the ultrasounds, I was there when we found out it was going to be a little girl, I helped talk over what names Amanda liked (she didn't like Courtney Jr., whatever), I planned the baby shower, but I still didn't really like the thought of a little life coming and crashing MY party. I was the baby of the family for almost 18 years! Ya can't just expect me to give that up at the drop of a hat.

July 26, 2012. Amanda and my mom went to the hospital around 6 in the morning, because the doctor wanted to induce labor. My dad and I showed up a little later (because, let's be real, I wasn't going anywhere THAT early). We spent the entire day wandering around the hospital, doing crossword puzzles in Amanda's hospital room, eating hot dogs in the cafeteria, waiting for this baby to show up. I knew she was coming soon, and I was starting to get excited, but I was still resentful. (She wasn't even born yet and I was bitter about it, pathetic, I KNOW) That day a bunch of my friends were at an Indians game and I was stuck with my family in a weird smelling hospital waiting around for some little crying peanut. Happy isn't exactly the word I would use to describe that situation. My heart was really hardened against sharing anything with this unexpected addition to our family..

Then it happened.
Layla Marie Hurlburt was brought into the world. I was stunned. I had never been that close to new life before. Honestly, newborn babies are kind of weird looking, but still perfect. Wow. Not long after she was born, our extended family left, my parents went to get something to eat from the cafeteria, and my sister was knocked out from the drugs (haha, sorry). It was just Layla and I. She was asleep and I was holding her as close as possible. Tiny and precious, with that new baby smell. I love singing and something in me told me this was the perfect time for me to do that. I didn't know any lullabies off the top of my head, so I sang what was on my heart. "Bless the Lord, oh my soul, oh my soul. Worship his holy name. Sing like never before, oh my soul. I'll worship Your holy name." (I had just gotten home from a Steubenville Conference, so I mean, what were you expecting?) In that moment, my heart was full.

From there, it wasn't always easy. Poopy diapers, getting puked on, crying that didn't stop (sometimes coming from Layla, sometimes coming from me).. Even now, the little stinker continues to push my buttons and teach me humility and patience.. But it has been more than amazing and more than worth it. Some days I'm still not really a fan of sharing my spotlight with her, buuut thankfully my family has enough love to give for the both of us. I have been abundantly blessed to watch her grow, learn, crawl, walk, understand, and so much more. Layla coming into the world not only gave me a new name (Auntie), but also gave me a new appreciation for life. Who knew babies were so magical?! I have never loved anyone so much and I have never been loved so deeply (seriously, no one has ever been more excited to see me than this girl). Who would have thought that a baby girl would embody the unconditional love of Christ in my life?! The most beautiful thing about my niece is the fact that she wasn't planned. Like so many things in life, the most amazing things often come out of the blue. (Kind of like Holy Spirit + Mary = JESUS CHRIST, THE ULTIMATE LOVE OF ALL TIME, I mean that was pretty out of the blue, if you ask me) It never really mattered that Layla came to us in an "unconventional" way, because the simple fact that she exists was more than enough reason for us to love her. My junior year in high school, I didn't WANT to be an aunt. And I'm sure my sister didn't WANT to be a mom at 20. But it happened, and I am so eternally grateful that it did. Lucky for all of us, God has a funny way of taking what we didn't really ask for, and making it our entire world.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Layla Marie!

Freshman Fifteen

Now that I'm finally done with my first year of college, I thought it would be beneficial to share with everyone (or at least everyone that reads my blog...) the most important things this year has taught me. Of course, I gained some valuable knowledge in the classroom, buuuut some of these life lessons are a bit more practical for everyday life. Enjoy!

15. Daily showers are totally optional.

Who knew?! Just don't push it past 48 hours or you'll probably lose friends.

14. Disney movies are NOT optional.

God bless Walt Disney for keeping me sane this year. Who cares if cartoons are childish? Growing up is rough and Aladdin keeps me young at heart.

13. Nothing says "I love you" like snail mail.

Missing your best friend? Want someone important to know you've been thinking of them? WRITE THEM A LETTER. It doesn't have to be a novel, but just a little something in the mail says so much.

12. Nights spent in can be so much better than nights out.

One of the best things about college is that you literally live with your best friends. Take that opportunity to actually spend time with them. Order pizza, tell embarrassing childhood stories, have a random photo shoot, laugh until it hurts. You won't regret it.

11. You probably have a lot more crap than you'll ever need.

If moving into and out of a dorm taught me anything, it's that I have way too much junk. It's nice to have expensive things and lots of books and enough clothes for all of America, but let's face it, ya don't need it.

10. Everyone has a story.

It's so amazing to come to a new place and meet so many great people. It's also amazing to listen to their stories. Don't be afraid to really get to know people, and don't be afraid to tell your story.

9. Don't take your parents for granted.

I've always loved my parents a lot, but wow, I didn't realize how much they really do for me. Maybe you don't have the best relationship with your parents, but it's so important that you cherish them anyway. They want to be in your life, don't use college as an excuse to shut them out.

8. Your health is really important.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! I can't say that enough! Feeling like crap isn't okay. I'm not just talking physical health, but your mental health too! 

7. LAUGH EVERYDAY.

Self-explanatory.

6. Count your blessings.

It's really easy to dwell on the things in your life that aren't so great, but that is just an awful way to live. Seriously, make a list of some of the blessings in your life and you'll be blown away by how good life can be.

5. Don't force relationships.

There is a huge difference between putting forth effort in a friendship and forcing a friendship. It's so important that you just be yourself at all times. The people who are meant to be your friends will like you no matter what, don't act like someone you're not in order to make a few buddies.

4. Nobody's perfect.

Hannah Montana was spot-on with this one. We all know someone who the word "perfect" fits almost, well, perfectly. But the truth is that really pretty girl or that really popular boy have struggles that we don't see. Everyone has their own cross to carry, we just may not see it the same way that they do.

3. Whether you believe it or not, there are people who genuinely love you for you. 

I really struggled with this one over the past year. Freshman year wasn't exactly good to me, it was rough on me physically and emotionally. I was really scared that I would come home and people would take one look at me and decide I wasn't worth their affection. Would they be able to look past my terrible complexion or the stupid amount of weight I've put on? The answer is yes. It didn't matter how much of life has changed, the people who loved me before college still love me now. Find those people in your life and let them know how much they mean to you, trust me, it's important.

2. There's more to life than your grades and talents.

Reality check. You are not defined by your 3.98 GPA or your awesome singing voice. The guy who is barely passing his classes or the girl who sits alone in the caf everyday has just as much worth as you do. You are not better than anyone else because of your intelligence or talents or friendships. Yes, those are amazing gifts that God has given you, but they are not yours. Being humble is a challenge, but it can be so fruitful. Use your talents to glorify Him, not yourself.   

1. God's plan is better than your plan.

LET HIM LEAD. I may have the most beautiful and graceful path laid out for my life, but He has something so much better in store. It really hurts when good things don't work out for us, but just hold onto the hope that God is saving you for something even better. Hold onto Him, trust in Him. He knows what He's doing, even if we can't see it.

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes;its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” - Jeremiah 17:7-8

As always, I'm praying for you! Be His! (:

Decade of Diabetes

I don't mind talking about my diabetes. I actually enjoy answering random questions from people and telling my diagnosis story. I take every chance I can to educate people about the difference between Type One and Type Two Diabetes (THEY ARE NOT THE SAME, PEOPLE). My best friend gave me the nickname Sugar Free back in junior high, and it's stuck with me this far. I laugh at all the jokes that people crack about diabetes, because they can be seriously hilarious. Type One Diabetes has become a huge part of who I am, and I'm okay with that. But every now and then, someone will ask me if it's hard to live with diabetes, and that's when I don't like talking about it.

Having diabetes isn't easy. As much as I laugh about it, diabetes really is a serious thing and not taking care of it can have a lot of costly consequences. Having Type One Diabetes puts you at risk for high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke, kidney failure, blindness, ect. More often than not, it's an uphill battle. Of course, I have my little victories from time to time, but that doesn't mean I get to just stop fighting. I do so much work to not be sick, but I get zero recognition for that. Yeah, sure, an insulin pump is really great and helps a lot, but it's not a cure. I could do everything right, but my sugar could still be ridiculously out of range. Saying that it can be frustrating is a huge understatement. People question what I'm doing "wrong" to not be in control of my diabetes. My parents worry about me way more than any parents should have to. And I sometimes get to a point where I don't want to do it anymore. It's exhausting and I feel trapped in my own body.

Yes, it can hurt when I poke my fingers.
Yes, it's annoying to have an insulin pump connected to me 24/7.
Yes, it's a pain to have so many doctors.
Yes, it could kill me.
Yes, I am going to be this way for the rest of my life.
Yes, it's scary.

But, I am so loved and cared for, that none of that really matters. We all have crosses to bear, and maybe mine is annoyingly heavy from time to time, but I have a beautiful family and some really amazing friends that come out of the crowd to help me carry it. I am so ridiculously blessed that most days diabetes doesn't phase me at all, and thank God for that. But on those not so great days, I have the best support system anyone could ever ask for, Jesus Christ and the awesome people He has so lovingly placed in my life. I can confidently say that I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for the trials of my diabetes. Of course it's a huge thorn in my side, but it also has given me wisdom, a sense of humor, and so many other qualities that I would lack if it wasn't for my pancreas calling it quits on me.When it seems like life is really painful and hard and I feel like no one understands what I'm going through, I find comfort in knowing that Christ knows exactly what it means so suffer (Facts about Death by Crucifixion) and He is holding me through it all. Next time you're in distress or you think you can't possibly take one more second of whatever is causing you pain, reach out to Him. He may not take the cross from you, but He will help you carry it, no matter what it is. I'm praying for you! Be His!

Here's to 10 years of diabetes! And plenty more to come!