Over the past 3 weeks, I have frequently found myself just overjoyed in the fact that God has brought me to Franciscan University. Whether I'm in the cafe laughing hysterically, walking up one of the many hills on campus to get to class, or sitting peacefully in Christ the King Chapel.. I'm just so happy to be here. A lot has changed in a short amount of time, but I have never felt so loved and at home so quickly. Homesickness has crept into my heart on several occasions, but it doesn't last too long and my beautiful friends here are quick to help me laugh again. I have settled into an amazing group of friends who have rapidly become my support system here on campus, and I couldn't ask for better people to help me transition into my new life.

With that being said, I have also been really struggling. My prayer life is terrible. Seriously terrible.. There is a chapel with a Tabernacle literally 2 floors above me. JESUS IS PRESENT 2 FLOORS ABOVE ME AND I'VE ONLY GONE TO SEE HIM TWICE. It may be because of the culture shock Franny is to someone who grew up in a lukewarm Catholic community or it may be because I am just not in a good place with Christ right now or it may be because I'm more focused on one guy here than I am on being closer to Him.. or it's all of it. You would think that it would be easier to be holy here because EVERYONE is trying their best to be holy.. but it's actually really hard. Some days it feels like a competition, and I really hate the idea of that. Seriously everyone here is so beautiful, I can't help but feel inadequate, in more ways than one. All of a sudden, for the first time in my life, Christ is so readily available to me and actually in the center of everything I am involved in, and I'm running the other way... My pride and insecurity is obnoxiously in the way of my walk towards Christ. Why can't I talk to Him? He knows all my deepest longings and thoughts already, why am I trying to deceive the One who can't be deceived? Yet, here I am.. in desperate need of divine Love, of which I will never be denied, but I can't bring myself to genuinely ask for It... 

Today I found myself in front of the Blessed Sacrament in the chapel before 4:45 Mass and I couldn't help but ask the Lord why He has brought me here. There was no booming voice and the ceiling didn't open, but I just felt something on my heart, "To change you".

Woah woah, hold on. Haven't I changed enough lately? I'm just now settling into a new home with all new friends and new surroundings and a new life, 3 hours away from the only place I've ever lived... I think I'm good on change right now, thanks..

"To change you."

Alright, so maaaaybe there are a few things I could work on.. But I mean, cut me some slack..

"To. Change. You."

The more I think about those 3 words, the more I realize how much I really need to change in my life. He isn't my focus right now, and that needs to change. He isn't first in my heart right now, and that needs to change. He isn't represented in my speech or actions, and that needs to change...

God isn't calling me to be mediocre, He's calling me to be great. Christ doesn't just want a little bit of my heart, He wants all of it. Whether you realize it or not, He's calling out to you in the same way. The Creator of the Universe didn't make you so you can live a semi-dedicated life and possibly make it into heaven, if you're lucky. He made you out of love, the purest and highest love. He came and dwelt among us so that you can have life, abundant life. He wants nothing more than for you to be with Him. He isn't interested in your excuses, His sole interest is you. So maybe you're busy, maybe you're feeling lost, maybe you're angry with Him, maybe you just don't trust anyone, maybe you think you have too much baggage... None of that matters. Christ sees past all of that, even in ways you can't see yourself. He sees your heart, and He longs to hold it. Let Him change you. Welcome Him into that dark place, because He is light, and darkness has no choice but to flee when light enters a room.  

God brought me here to change me. I'm not exactly sure how, but I know that His plans are so much more beautiful than my own. Maybe this change in me is going to take some loneliness and some heartache, but that's okay.. He will carry me through, just like He always has and always will. 

Please hold me in your prayers as I pray for each of you. Be His!