If I could describe the past 8 months of my life in one sentence... I wouldn't want to because I would probably throw up. Saying that I've had my highs and lows since January is probably the understatement of the decade. Leading up to 2013, my life has always been so constant, so good, so normal, so comfortable... but from the looks of it, God doesn't want me to live in comfort anymore. Don't get me wrong, I have had my struggles and battles over the years, but nothing like what I have faced as of late.

In February, my grandma passed away unexpectedly.

In March, I struggled with self-worth more than I ever have.

In May, I graduated high school.

In June, we put my 15 year old dog down and my family lost another loved one in a tragic motorcycle accident and my cousin shattered his collar bone.

In July, my favorite priest was reassigned to a parish that's over an hour away and the devil started moving in terrible ways in my life.

In 5 days, I leave for college...

In the midst of all this rapid change, I can't help but wonder... What's the point? I'm so tired of waking up and wishing so many things would never have changed. I'm tired of coming home from work and my dog not being at the back door waiting for me. I'm tired of going to Sunday breakfast and my grandma not being there. I'm tired of carrying so much on my heart that I'm not sure what my breaking point will be. I'm just so tired. As I reflect on what God's plan could possibly be for all of this in my life, a certain Bible verse comes to mind, "Come to me all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30

Then I realize what this year has done for me.
The past 8 months have been an all too real reminder of my desperate need for Christ. I would like to think that I have always relied on Him to be my rock and my comfort and my help, but I now see that this is the first time I have genuinely clung to His love with every ounce of energy I have. Where would I be without Jesus? I would be lost. I would be so so so so lost. I would have drown myself in my own sorrow and self-pity. I wouldn't have made it past my grandmother's death. I wouldn't even be Courtney anymore.. I don't know what I would be. That is the beauty in the mess of all this hurt, that is the blessing in the middle of all my heartache: I have found stability in Jesus Christ. He takes my burdens, my tears, my brokenness, my anger, my frustration upon Himself. I still have my crosses to bear, but the suffering is so much more beautiful when I know that the Savior of the World is holding my hand through each hardship. God doesn't make me uncomfortable to just sit back and watch me writhe in pain, God makes me uncomfortable so that He can invite me to run to Him. All of the great Saints had to go through pain and desolation to become more holy men and women. I will choose to praise God in my obstacles, because I know that He is using each of them to draw me closer to His Perfect Love. I've heard it said that those who walk the closest with Jesus are given the heaviest crosses to bear, and as frightening as that can seem, what is there to fear when you walk with the Maker of the Universe?!


When life changes, when people leave, when things go wrong, when loved ones die, when tragedy strikes, when everything comes crashing down around you... God doesn't change. He is constant. God is good, even when life isn't. He promises healing, He promises rest, He promises eternal life.. And if there's one thing I know about God it is that He doesn't make promises He can't keep. Put all your hope in the Truth of His Promise. If you're feeling overwhelmed because of life's crazy changes right now, please just know that He is calling your name and He longs to give you the rest he promises in Matthew's Gospel. God wants nothing more than to make you holy.

I'm praying for you. Be His!